


Color Theory

by pipermack



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, F/M, Fix-It, Post-episode s19e13 The Undiscovered Country
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-10
Updated: 2018-02-10
Packaged: 2019-03-16 08:11:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,927
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13632264
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pipermack/pseuds/pipermack
Summary: It’s common knowledge that you Change when you meet your Soulmate. The Change varies from person to person, in scale and type and even quantity. Some Changes happen internally - You know one part of a harmony your whole life and you suddenly know the other. You immediately know a new language. Or, as is the case of Rafael Barba, you start to see color.





	Color Theory

**Author's Note:**

> How could Rafa’s farewell NOT inspire a Soulmate AU??
> 
> Anyway I’m sad and I had to write this to cope.

It’s common knowledge that you Change when you meet your Soulmate. The Change varies from person to person, in scale and type and even quantity. Some Changes have been known to be external - Your hair style changes. You find a new tattoo on your body. You’re a few inches taller. Other Changes happen internally - You know one part of a harmony your whole life and you suddenly know the other. You immediately know a new language. Or, as is the case of Rafael Barba, you start to see color.

Rafael was born into a world of blacks and whites. There were some grays too, but not many. Not enough to discern any real details or shades. He never knew the blue of the sky, the yellow of a taxi, the red of an apple. 

As a child he hated it. He felt he was missing out. It wasn’t fair that he had to study flash cards about what thing was supposed to be what color and other kids just got to know. But as Rafael grew up, he came to appreciate the lack of color around him. He wasn’t as easily distracted as his schoolmates. The black and white of his text books matched everything else in his life, so he was never bored by them. It wasn’t long before Rafael had climbed to the top of his class in high school, then college, then law school. He was able to see facts without any fluff and eventually he would come to stop wasting his time wishing he could see the color around him.

And then, Rafael Barba met Olivia Benson.

Some Changes happen all at once, and it can be overwhelming. Other Changes, though, happen gradually. Either way, as you get to know your Soulmate, your worldview shifts. Your entire being rearranges to find harmony with another. Whether it’s romantic or platonic, you become new when you find each other. You become whole.

When Rafael met Olivia, nothing Changed instantly. Nothing Changed at all, in fact, or so it would have seemed. Though when he walked out of the courthouse for lunch that day, he noticed that things seemed... different. There were more grays than usual. More definition in the details. He wasn’t sure what to make of it so he chalked it up to the sun shining bright overhead and continued to his favorite hot dog cart.

(Olivia would tell him later that things came into focus for her that day. She no longer needed special contacts. Colors were no longer dull and boring. Details were sharp and vivid like they never were before. She knew then, what had happened. She just had to wait for him to figure it out too.)

As they spent more time together, other little things started Changing for Rafael. Every day there were more grays, more details. And then one day as he was walking to the coffee cart with Liv, laughing at her anecdote, a flash of something caught his eye. He spun around as a girl on a bike whizzed past, the helmet on her head a vibrant... color? He looked around and noticed more of it. Pants, banners, streaks of hair. He couldn’t identify the color right away but when he looked up to a billboard and caught a glimpse of the sky, he knew. Tears came to his eyes.

“So I said—Barba?” Liv walked back to him and put a hand on his shoulder. “You alright?”

Rafael blinked back the tears and huffed out a breath he hadn’t realized he was holding. “Blue,” he said. “It’s... the sky. It’s very blue today. It’s... beautiful.” He finally looked back to Olivia and when he saw the darker blue of her shirt, he grinned. “It’s a good color on you,” he added.

Olivia raised an eyebrow and smiled quizzically. “Thanks...?” she said. “Come on, you still owe me for last week, Counselor.”

Rafael has gone home that night and spent hours looking up the color blue. Blue flowers and blue animals and blue paintings. And as the days passed he saw more blue in Olivia. In her clothes, her jewelry, the pen she always tucked behind her ear. He found it hard to look away.

And then, weeks later, it happened again.

They were walking through Central Park together and Liv smiled at him and suddenly, color danced around her. He knew it was yellow when they passed an old man on a bench eating a banana, and Rafael went speechless. 

Yellow brought with it more colors too. Yellow brought green to the grass and the leaves. Yellow brought hints of brown to the bark. It was a lot at once, and he has to stop to take it all in. When Liv got his attention again, Rafael’s eyes met hers and he couldn’t help but stare. The richness of the brown in her irises was indescribable. He wanted to lose himself in her gaze forever.

“Sorry, I... lost my train of thought,” he mumbled. He shook his head slightly and tore himself away from Olivia’s eyes, and continued on.

It’s a law of the universe that all things balance out, and this is why some say the Change happens in the first place. To provide balance. To bring you and your Soulmate together. But sometimes, the Change has to balance itself out, too.

Where blue was cool and refreshing, yellow brought joy and warmth and green brought vitality and energy. It was hard for Rafael to imagine being content without color in his life. Without Olivia. But what the other colors introduced into his life, red was quick to destroy. Red, the first time he experienced it, carried pain. It carried anger. It carried fear.

After Olivia’s harrowing experience with William Lewis, Rafael raced to meet her and the rest of the team at the hospital. As soon as he laid his eyes on her, bright color swelled in the room so fast that it left him dizzy for a moment. Bright new colors filled in the gray spots in his vision, and he felt sick to his stomach when he realized what it was.

Red was the blood on her clothes, the cuts on her face, her sleep-deprived eyes. Red was violence. Red was hatred. Rafael would give up seeing any color at all if it meant never having to experience red like that again.

But red, despite the weight it held, also brought with it an air of new, of warmth. As he headed home that night, he saw the flowers in a neighborhood planter shift from a dull blue to a soft purple. The sun setting over the city painted the sky in pinks and oranges in a way he never knew was possible. Red, by nature, was harsh. But it also added a subtlety that he didn’t know was missing. Red added pink in Olivia’s cheeks when she was cold, or bashful, or two glasses in. Red added burgundy to her hair when it shone in the sun. Over the next several weeks he grew to appreciate red, perhaps more than the other colors. 

He thought about telling her about the Change, more than once, but there was always something that prevented him from pursuing it. There was Brian, who Rafael doesn’t respect or trust, but Liv held him dear. There was Nick and Amanda and Declan, and he could see how they wore on her trusting nature, how they broke her heart. There was the reemergence of Lewis who sent her world crashing down again, and Noah shortly after who changed her world entirely. 

Eventually, Rafael came to the decision that they were the types of Soulmates who were meant to be the best of friends. And a life full of Olivia Benson, regardless of the nature of that relationship, was more than Rafael could ever ask for. But even still, part of him hoped he’d Changed her the way she Changed him. He hoped she’d speak up when she was ready, that maybe they were destined for more than coffee in the park.

When someone Changes you so wholly and becomes a vital part of your existence, it can’t ever be undone, not really. But things happen, whether all at once or over time, and the effect can wear down. Harmonies grow quiet. Tattoos fade. Colors... drain.

“Are you involved with him?”

Rafael watched Olivia with a pained expression. He hadn’t meant for it to sound as jealous as it did. He hadn’t meant for the follow up either.

“Has he Changed you?”

“Don’t ask me that.”

And that was all the confirmation he needed, really. And it wasn’t that he was mad that she was sleeping with him, deep down. No, he was mad at himself. Mad that he’d waited, mad that he’d put up so many walls, mad that he’d allowed her to have such an affect on his whole world.

(“That’s ridiculous,” she’d tell him later. “We don’t pick who Changes us, or how. We can’t control who comes into or life and the effect they have on us.” He knew that she knew this subject better than most.)

“You and I are done talking.”

The words came out of his mouth before he could stop them, ice lacing into each syllable. As soon as he said it, she set her jaw, and color faded around her. She turned on her heel and left the room, the color following. Nothing reverted to black and white completely but everything instantly muted. The brightness and vibrancy was gone.

Rafael slammed his door, and that was that.

They came together again. They always did. And that‘s the beauty of the Change, isn’t it? No matter how far apart you and your Soulmate drift, you’ll always find your way back together. And when Olivia finally forgave him for being a complete ass, the world started coming back to life. From then on he knew he’d do what it took to keep that vibrancy in his life. To keep Olivia in his life.

You can’t always control the actions you take. When faced with difficult decisions where there is no right answer, sometimes you act based on what’s in your heart, without concern for the consequences.

Even if you’re the kind of person who wears suspenders and a belt.

Rafael’s heart had Changed so much that at the end of the ordeal, despite being legally cleared, he knew his conscience would take more work. And he knew he couldn’t continue somewhere compassion was an afterthought.

It almost made him smile to think about. Who had he become?

When she found him outside the courthouse, he found it hard to look at her. Despite everything, his friend, his Soulmate, was still fighting for him. 

“And?”

The question hung heavy in the air. Full of potential, of hope for things that had never happened but could still. 

He sighed and smiled through his tears.

“I’ve got to move on.”

Her eyes teared and he held her close, pressing a kiss to her forehead. He’d stay like this forever if he could, and he had a feeling she would too.

When he pulled back, he watched her carefully, then held out his hand. “Come on.”

She furrowed her brow. “Where to?” She asked, taking his hand anyway.

“It’s been a day and I need a drink.” 

As she nodded and smiled and walked off with him, colors bursted around them. Despite the circumstance that led to this particular Change, it was the best yet.


End file.
